Currently Listening Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts see related

Love

there are several types of love, there is the motherly/fatherly love where you are protective and try to do wats best for the one u love, the sister brother love where you love them to death but cant stand them, the best friend i love you to the ends of the street love that goes capoot with one bad move, the self centered love where you are in love but only love for yourself and try to gain for YOU and YOU only, then there is the love for the other person, the love that will never die, the love where all you want is for the other one to be happy.   curently, many people posses the self centered love and act upon how an anction will benifit themselves and not wat will happen to the other person. case one: you are in love with somone, and goes to all ends to speak to them, knowing if you do they will get in trouble, but in the end continue on and feel as if your benifited from them even tho the one u love is in quite a pickle. case two: you love someone, but are not IN LOVE with them, this may cause amny problems, you say i love you, but dont want to be in love....very common. case three: friends love each other, that doesnt mean u are going to fall in love with  them and live happily ever after, just doesnt happen.

drama is pure shit. i hate it

so, i really really miss sum1, and this person has made me realize what i want in a person and i now know that i shouldnt get attached to people really fast, and i normaly dont, it just.....happened like that. i had a good assed weekend a couple weekends ago, got my mind of off ~him~ for a while, and now i am back to where i was, and i am just fine with that, i have accepted that i wont move on like i would have hoped, and i am willing to wait to see what happens, who knows? it could be what i have wanted my whole life, and i dont want to screw that up. camp was good this year, had lots of fun, hopefuly i will take night classes and wont have to drive back and forth again. i am stuck on country now, i still listen to rock and all that, just country really helps me cope with stuff and it has such a large variety that you think about everything, i have realized a lot of things in the past couple months. long crushes finally gone, "loves" have come and gone, even though i have still never been in love. changes have occured and some don;t like it, but i am perfectly happy with the way i am, and i will not change for a single person. my summer has been pretty good, summer school is over, school starts in less then a month.....fair is coming up, no summer fling, but i am just fine with that, as i said, i am willing to wait. this is probably the most relaxed i have been in months, possibly even since a year and a half ago. pain seems to be less, but maybe i have just become numb? i definetly wish it were april, but thats another story completly. weird dreams are still coming and going, only when i sleep do i actaully get those. sleeping problem is still happening but i am under much less stress and i am finally free from the agony of the old things i did not want to do.  my life has probably done a complete 180 degree turn since the end of school, but once again, school was prably wat was killing me the most.

part of me wants to be that little girl that would be in front of a store, selling tickets for a fundraiser and everyone buying from cause i was the most adorable little girl that they saw......but then, this huge overwhelming part that is so happy i am older and enjoying everything life thorws at me, no matter what it may be. life is like the ocean, just drift along and everything will be ok.

Melissa

wat is a person to do in this situaton? no easy way through it and no way to know exactly wat should be done. i am happy, that i know, but about other feelings i have, thats not good. 5 months is a long time, but i had been so happy in that time, so so happy. so many memories were formed, a lot of first everythings....i really miss him, a lot....and i dont know wat i am gonna do. summer school starts tomorrow, which sucks. i am really busy with work, and i dont have much time. grades weren't so good, but i am ok with that, i didnt fail any classes and i did good in the classes that matter. i got lazy, plain and simple, but i am gonna do an awesome job next year, no matter wat distracts me. i have been really tired latley and have been getting a lot of sleep, so it makes me wonder wats wrong. i have a lot of problems i need to sort out, and my dreams arent helping. i have a lot of fun going on a hike with sarah and diana, man that was fun! but there are the other issues at hand. camp is in 6 days...how is that even possible?!?! i mean, i have been looking forward to it all year and here it is, 6 days away, i dont know how that is even possible. i am getting a new computer, FINALLY i am so excited, its very exciting. a dell flat screen windows XP so SCORE on my part. i might be re-doing my room still gotta talk my parents into that one tho

i need to go to sleep, i am tired i was out all day and was woken up early by a loser with no life, gotta get up, early tomorrow sadness. well i will update in a little while, as soon as i find time.

-i'm out

i dont know where to begin, i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and i dont think there is any way to stop it. i miss someone so much, i would give anything to see them, i want things back to how they were a month ago, but this may not be possible.  the one thing i wanted for my brithday did not happen, and all i know about it is that someone is a jackass and fucking hates a person i dont think can be hated, i am under way too much stress to be worrying about school. i am gonna fail english cause there is no way i can raise my grade high enough to get a c- in less the 6 class days, i have had fun times with friends, but that doesnt mean that i am not thinking about who i miss, waht i would give, or what is worrying me the most during those times. the only good thing  about any of this is that untill recently everyday i was reminded of bridgette and how much i wish that she was here, i still think about her everyday but the pain is getting easier to bear, its still there and its still very strong, but other things are on my mind, i will never be over bridgette's death, and i will never fully understand why she had ot leave at such a young age,  but i may finally be able to accept her death.

as i was driving along thr coast, i tohught about the ocean, and how powerful it is, and how the tinyiest amount of acid could make it poison just like that, how all the sea creature could die as fast as someong could press a button. one little thing changed your life forever, and one little thing is the difference between day and night.

i was sitting in my room, and this thought came ot me, life is like an ocean, when you are trying to get further out, it pulls you back in, but when you try to get closer to the land, it pulls you away. its like no matter wat you try you lose, so you just deside to float there, and no matter which way you think is rite, it ends up being wrong. the waves pull you in and out, but never where you want to go. thats how my life has been.

i'm out, gonna go lay in bed for a few hours trying to sleep.